User blog:JashouxOblivion/Biblical Theorem- for you scientific skeptics

Hello, Men of Science, Christian Bashing Athiests, and Curious Christians/Catholics, I'm here to explain my theory of the Bible and hopefully convert some of you skeptics. Some of the things I hate most about speaking with my students is the Bible which, every now and then, comes up. With 20 some of them arguing about religion, this is how I explained it with the Science of it as the questions came up. I'll start from the begining:

1. Big Bang Theory vs Creation of Earth: God created the world by doing that. SCHMIENCE!

2. Garden of Eden vs The Evolution of Man from Ape to Modern Day Homo sapien: At the begining God created man from dirt and named him Adam, {insert Lilith if you are an Orthodox Jew or Pagan or Satanist or Demonologist, etc} well say that dirt contained the bacteria which God gave form and it slowly turned into ape or whatever the hell the state before Homo sapien is. In the Garden of Eden the Apple was eaten by him given by his wife/mate Eve and they grew knowladgeable slowly and gaining a consciounse we became humans haveing children and blah blah blah more shit happens there is your first theory

3. Noah's Ark: Noah's Ark =  melting of ice durring the ice age

4. Leviathan and The Behemoth= Behemoth was the Wooly Mammoth or the Dinosaur and the Leviathan is a whale like carnivore (Leviathan lurks in the bottom of the Sea and we dont know what lives there) explaining the current day rarity

There it all is, some of them need more explanaition and I may better explain them but it is 1:24 AM and I haven't slept in 32 hours approximately so for now this is it